i LOVE Christmas!

I love Christmas! There always something about the colors, the lights, the tree, the ornaments, the people’s joy, the songs, the carols, the cooking & baking, the presents..ooh don’t we loooove the presents when we were kids, the only morning of the year where you CANT wait to get up as early as you’re allowed to just to rush down to that overly-decorated tree and go on a rip-wrapper-rampage, hug your parents after they watch you squeal in presents-joy with happy glistening eyes, enjoy some hot chocolate before they hustle you out the door in your best looking outfits for church…

As we age, Christmas hits us a lil differently. It aint just about presents anymore, it aint just about decorating that tree til its on the verge of ornament explosion, it aint just about singing that Rudolf song while stuffing your face with Christmas cookies… As we age, people we love and care for may not always be by our side very often until this very holiday brings us back together…the whole year filled with negatives of bickering somehow seems to vanish on a magically forgiving day…but what happens when you have distance preventing you from seeing your loved ones when they are the ones you would give anything to share with the most?...

The tradition of putting up the tree seem less meaningful…The songs aint bringing joy to the ears no more but more of tears to the eyes…putting your heart out cooking and baking and it being received with a local mentality pretty much kills any spirit you have left in you…Christmas shopping seems more like a chore than the joyous act of giving…

Is it because of the lack of enthusiasm you’re surrounded with out here during this holiday, where its just another day you get outta work? Is it because of our teachings and our ways out here that just kills the meaning of Christmas as the years go by where we only celebrate to impress others?

Perhaps im going thru this….phase? No… a reality check? No…. emo-ing? Maybe…perhaps….

I guess I just miss HOME…

Debating on putting up a tree...even though it will be empty of pressies and ppl sitting around it...i'd still love a tree.....hmmmmm

Seems to get harder every year, going thru Christmas without Mother and the family gathering I miss so much back Home…

But life goes on, grin and bear, make the best out of it…

Yes…That is the spirit I WILL have….and Share with my boys

I still Love Christmas and the joyful sights, the joyful songs and the joyful faces of my loved ones...

Ya cant kill my Christmas spirit!!!

A short trip to the past

I dont like to dwell on the past, or even enjoy going down that road sometimes.
Though i'd be lying if i claim to never think back and take a short mental break from the present.

It was 4/20 yesterday.
Every year since 2001, its a day that for self reflection and also a long trip to the past. all of the "i wonder..." and "what if i had...." runs thru the mind at top speed.
finally when as the trip comes to an end and the clock forwards back to present time, im left with emotions i havent felt in a while, left with vivid memories, also left with that familiar sense of loneliness, knowing it'll take me a very long while before im able to share those feelings with my close and loved ones.
this year though, mind was so occupied that that trip took a late flight, which also means late arrival back...

I believe that the past makes you who you are. we've heard many times that "the past is the past, i dont care about your past..."
without the past, your present self wouldnt be here.
the past is there for us to reflect on mistakes, to grow and learn from it
the past is there for us to remember who were there for us when we were down in the gutter, to appreciate them more everyday
the past is there for us to understand another better, to expand our ability to read & help another better
Things that we've done in the past, on the other hand, should only be comprehended as stepping stones to your new land, but not to dwell in regret

The move to the US and growing up there during your newly-hit-puberty-years up to young adulthood =P, was definitely something i feel very lucky about.
now many will have the stereotyped conclusion of "oh you lived overseas how lucky and rich and how easy you must have had it"
boy dont we wish?!
when i said lucky, yes i do mean i had the opportunity to explore outside of my home country.
lucky that i had the opportunity to have an American education
lucky that i had the opportunity to live and learn about American "culture"
lucky that, gone were the days of tiny portions on your restaurant plates and in comes the generous heap of food placed on American's restaurant tables
lucky that i learnt what work really is at age 14 and understand that money from parents dont come easy
lucky that i met so many different characters during my years, whom i learn very valuable life lessons from, first hand
lucky that years of hard earned money can pay off finally, when i started travelling within the states, the opportunity to explore more of the "dreamland" (driving 6 hours alone and end up getting pulled over is NO FUN!)
lucky that life there had helped me build determination and courage about making bigger decisions and taking absolute control of my future

Moving back to malaysia, was one of them...bringing the years of US with me

Major decisions are scary, you dont have an exact idea on whats ahead of you, only a path with windows of possibilities for you to peek in or jump thru
though if you're determined to make the best out of any situations you end up in, life is less difficult
Hanhi, a very close sis-friend, and I have a favorite saying "Carpe Diem!"
It means "seize the day!".
Seize your opportunities! you never know when you'll never have another day