Sleep?Hormones?Mood? = BLEH!

yes, BLEH is how i'm feeling right now...

Can't pinpoint exactly what my body's going thru at the moment but signs are there:

1 - The same weight that i've been pushing before in training, seems heavier now. My usual dumbbell squats of 70 to 80 pounds now feel like tons of concrete! takes a while to gather up energy before performing jump squats and tuck jumps n lets not forget the longer resting-in-between-sets time.

2 - Loss of appetite. also,one bowl of oatmeal now fills me up for about 5 hours (it used to last only 2 hours!). Taste buds completely whacked out (things dont taste as good as it did before). i am maintaining water intake, just pee more =/

3 - Always feeling sleepy/lethargic during the day, just not at night

4 - Because i'm not feeling sleepy at night, I CANT SLEEP!

Insomnia hits me off and on ever since childhood though i dont think its too serious as i've heard of worst cases before.for me,the trouble is actually FAlling asleep, though once I'm asleep, I'M OUT! (well usually...) only thing that wakes me up is a Sudden Loud Unfamiliar noise, noisy moving bed partner or mosquitoes. YES once im woken up from the itch, i cant fall back asleep! kinda sad when i get asked, "what kept you up last night?" FREAKIN BLOOD SUCKING MOSQUITOES! This may run in the family as both my bros face the same problem (maybe not the mosquito part but just cant fall asleep!)


Sleeping Aids Tried:

* Nyquil (drowsy cough syrup) - had to take it even when aint coughing. The Doxylamine succinate helps
* Benadryl (drowsy cough syrup) - my option in Msia since they aint got Nyquil here
(UUGGHHH!they are both very very very disgusting!!!)
* Benadryl Allergy (drowsy) - no allergies. just the ingredient aids to sleep
* Sleeping Pills - now of course it is not sold over the counter in malaysia. i bought it easily off the shelves at WAL-MART.although tolerance build and it stopped working on the 3rd night. i would not up the dosage anymore so just stopped
* Tried something my bro had that sometimes help him sleep - i fell asleep alright! but woke up 3 hours later WIDE AWAKE!

OK aint a druggie here so i did try aids that doesn't require any medication
* Staying up the night before so i would tire myself out - turns out i ended up NOT sleeping for 2 nights in a row =( BOOOOOO!
* Staying up for TWO nights straight - ended up with very cloudy and confused head when i did wake up from the 3rd night of napping on and off
* Relaxing Music of Nature - could only lay there for about 5 mins before it creeped the hell outta me =P
* Reading - it helped when i was a kid. now its stressful to focus on reading at night i end up MORE AWAKE
* TV - certain shows (travel & cooking) with monotonous narrating and light background music been helping so far. til the program changes to a screaming horror commercial or a loud-overly-excited Japanese fishing show(on AFC about 4 or 5AM) comes on and BAAAM! IM UP AGAIN!
* Lavender Scents - smells good! but IM STILL AWAKE
* Meditation - ..... (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

ODD things that have worked before but only DURING THE DAY
* After being stuck in traffic
* Riding as a passenger in a car, stuck in traffic
* Attempted learning yoga & pilates on DVD years ago. only got thru 10 mins of the DVD...ZZZZZZ
* About 2 - 3PM, Sleepy hits!
* Blogging - like now...eyes are droopy -_-
* After a good sun tanning session (aah, how i wish to be by the pool or be at the beach right now)



Now all the BLEH feelings could be because of LACKING SLEEP, sets off a chain reaction. DUH~!


Problem hope to be solved by a - a sleep specialist in the country...if there even is one here...(music of "DOOOMED"!)


WILL THIS STOP ME FROM POLE-ING AND WEIGHT TRAINING? - HELL NAW! =)



**a night of "M'sia representin" @ Aloha's Hennessey Artistry




Been sippin on sum Hennessaay!


and the responsible (NON)drinkers...(uh,that my wine =P )

A short trip to the past

I dont like to dwell on the past, or even enjoy going down that road sometimes.
Though i'd be lying if i claim to never think back and take a short mental break from the present.

It was 4/20 yesterday.
Every year since 2001, its a day that for self reflection and also a long trip to the past. all of the "i wonder..." and "what if i had...." runs thru the mind at top speed.
finally when as the trip comes to an end and the clock forwards back to present time, im left with emotions i havent felt in a while, left with vivid memories, also left with that familiar sense of loneliness, knowing it'll take me a very long while before im able to share those feelings with my close and loved ones.
this year though, mind was so occupied that that trip took a late flight, which also means late arrival back...

I believe that the past makes you who you are. we've heard many times that "the past is the past, i dont care about your past..."
without the past, your present self wouldnt be here.
the past is there for us to reflect on mistakes, to grow and learn from it
the past is there for us to remember who were there for us when we were down in the gutter, to appreciate them more everyday
the past is there for us to understand another better, to expand our ability to read & help another better
Things that we've done in the past, on the other hand, should only be comprehended as stepping stones to your new land, but not to dwell in regret

The move to the US and growing up there during your newly-hit-puberty-years up to young adulthood =P, was definitely something i feel very lucky about.
now many will have the stereotyped conclusion of "oh you lived overseas how lucky and rich and how easy you must have had it"
boy dont we wish?!
when i said lucky, yes i do mean i had the opportunity to explore outside of my home country.
lucky that i had the opportunity to have an American education
lucky that i had the opportunity to live and learn about American "culture"
lucky that, gone were the days of tiny portions on your restaurant plates and in comes the generous heap of food placed on American's restaurant tables
lucky that i learnt what work really is at age 14 and understand that money from parents dont come easy
lucky that i met so many different characters during my years, whom i learn very valuable life lessons from, first hand
lucky that years of hard earned money can pay off finally, when i started travelling within the states, the opportunity to explore more of the "dreamland" (driving 6 hours alone and end up getting pulled over is NO FUN!)
lucky that life there had helped me build determination and courage about making bigger decisions and taking absolute control of my future

Moving back to malaysia, was one of them...bringing the years of US with me

Major decisions are scary, you dont have an exact idea on whats ahead of you, only a path with windows of possibilities for you to peek in or jump thru
though if you're determined to make the best out of any situations you end up in, life is less difficult
Hanhi, a very close sis-friend, and I have a favorite saying "Carpe Diem!"
It means "seize the day!".
Seize your opportunities! you never know when you'll never have another day